first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
