I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so explain again why im purple
no
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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