You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
