I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
