Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
