oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
