its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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