u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
