is your mom at the bar?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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