Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
