he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
