Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
