I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
