either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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