Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
