The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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