It's like God shit irony all over that family
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
