we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
