sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
