were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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