This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
