i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
