I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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