She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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