I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
