Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
