tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
