Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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