jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
