WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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