Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
