What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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