i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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