i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Michael Bay diarrhea
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
