He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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