I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
