So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
