if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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