I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
