how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
