clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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