hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
