Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
