hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
