The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
