I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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