We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
