Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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