you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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