Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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