I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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