If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
