so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A+ Viking dick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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