I want to stick my p in your. b.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
