he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
